Green Granadas

"Ready, Set, Go " (2011)
by Bernhard Roderick Hotenberg

'In the fall of 1954, The huge hurricane Carol swept all the way through the American continent. It raged in from the Atlantic, plowed its way through the Carolinas, over the Appalachians, Tennessee, and all across the prairie, Rockies and the desert into California, before it tore up the Pacific to disappear from sight. The damage was massive, losses were in the billions, casualties tremendous. The same thing happened in '57, '65 and '67, depriving the country of some of its finest souls and hardware.

The wanderings of these cyclones have so far been a mystery, meteorologists have torn the hair from their heads trying to figure out what happened to the massive whirlwinds and their baggage after it left the western seaboard and vanished - not only from plain sight - but also from radar.

Newly leaked data from the CIA explains what happened.

A military ops program called TUWIC (Tactical Utilization of Weather fronts In Combat) researched how the energy from hurricanes coming in from the Atlantic Ocean could be redirected against the Communists. Following a miscalculation of decimals, Carol sucked up all the instruments placed in Jacksonville, NC, only to ravage the whole country in its path. During these terrible days, a team of German physicists were assembled in a hurry to try to capture the huge meteorological phenomenon in a contraption called a 'Wettergeist', placed between six hangar ships deployed from US Navy's Pacific fleet. Again, science proved nature superior as Carol struck the ships; no sign of Carol's massive energy was measurable on Wettergeists gauges. The mystery was that the hurricane did in fact subside immediately. Vast resources were put in from the CIA and the Pentagon to up Wettergeist's abilities for future events, but to no avail; hurricanes Audrey, Betsy and Beulah all disappeared completely. The scientists were all asking the same question, as energy equivalent to 400 H-bombs completely vanished. Where did it all go?

Findings from the west coast of Norway in late autumn 2011 gave a possible answer, as a certain group of musicians called 'Green Granadas' unleashed their second phonogram 'Ready Set Go!' on a select and defenseless audience. The moment the pickup was lowered to the turntable and the speakers opened up, tidal waves of sheer energy blasted the room to smithereens, wind eruptions were blowing hairstyles 60 years back, and thundering engines of thousands of V8 pickup trucks revved to life simultaneously. As four hurricanes re-named Allen, Freddie, Killy and Slick embodied winds from the past, shooting into the future, no one could ever be safe again. Just ride with the wind, cats! You can't stop it! It's the Green Granadas!'

- Bernhard Roderick Hotenberg



"Slidin´ all over " (2007)
by -Orbo-

I first met the Green Granadas when doing a gig on the west coast
of Norway. Deep in the landscape of fjords, way up in the
mountains, where the air is clear and fresh. Where the water is ice
cold and blue. Where pollution and global warming are words the
population don't use. When I arrived at the hotel I saw their
poster next to mine and it told me everything. This band is real.
We had two shows each during the weekend, a double billing at the
same joint. At the soundcheck I spotted Gretsch guitars, zebra
suits, leopard shirts, platform shoes and brylcream. This I had to
see.

The place was all but packed when they came on, and I was kinda
worried. We'd been told that there was some big, slick countryact
at a bigger venue nearby and that everyone in this smalltown had
gone there. But man, did they pull it off. These nice, quiet guys
from all over the country (I still wonder how they hooked up with
eachother) started with high octane from the first song. And it
rocked. Like nothing I've heard live in my whole life. I suddenly
found myself understanding how people lost it and went bananas when
rock'n'roll first came. The Green Granadas could scream like Little
Richard, rock it like Chuck Berry, groove it like Buddy Holly and
hit like Buddy Rich. Even Johnny Cash couldn't stop this train.
Jerry Lee could have shot them to death and they'd still be kickin'
ass on that stage. The whole barn was shaking, people were swingin'
and the bartenders were rockin'. They sold a lot of beer that
night. It was great. We all loved them.

This is the kind of band people will travel far to see live. While
they're sitting backstage after a show drinking mysteriously strong
coffee with sweat soaking their cool cat-clothes and you go home
feeling better than in a long, long time remember this; Rock'n'roll
is hard work. It can't be stopped. It's the only type of music
everyone can dig when it's done right. The Green Granadas are doing
it right. They can beat anyone, any day. They sound real, they play
it real and they are for real. In every sence of the word real. If
they're not recording vocals in the hotel bathroom, they're at the
emergency waiting for Li'l Cat to get crutches and bandage. This is
IT, folks.

Freddie Frantic, Killy, Slick and Allan D Rocker aren't
desperately holding on to a time long gone. They're taking it
further. Congratulations, you've bought a killer album. Play it LOUD.

Sincerely,
-ORBO-
ORBO & The Longshots